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What kind of person throws trash on our Texas highways? That question bothered the volunteers the last time they picked up trash along FM 2611.  Since this quarterly exercise is part of TxDOT’s Adopt-A-Highway program, the group decided to enlist the help of a TxDOT psychiatrist to review the trash collected and come up with a psychological profile of the culprits.  The astonishing results are presented here. Someone who “messes with Texas” is:

• A person who drives any type of vehicle.
• A person who walks (although the only pedestrians noted that day were wearing orange vests and filling trash bags.)
• A person who drinks sodas, coffee, or energy drinks out of cans, bottles, or cups.
• A person who drinks beer… lots and lots of beer.  The cheaper the brand, apparently, the greater the propensity to chunk the empties out the window, perhaps being embarrassed to be seen with them.
• A person who is forgetful, not remembering what’s blowing around in the pick-up bed, or where all those garage sale signs were posted.
• A person who changes the baby’s diaper while driving (and undoubtedly while keeping junior strapped in the car seat, eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel…not a regular human!)
• A person who is a neat freak. You’ve seen them. They can’t stand to have that scrap of paper in the car long enough to reach home, or even the next trash can.
• A person who eats fast food…probably 70 mph fast.
• A person who smokes cigarettes.  No brand preference could be discerned.
• A person whose flat tire on the bent rim isn’t worth repairing…or putting back in the trunk.
• A person who chews gum, eats candy bars, dips or chews tobacco.
• A person who drives with the back seat windows down so junior can watch his toy paratroopers jump behind enemy lines.
• A person with one foot who doesn’t really need the other shoe, sock or flip flop.
• A person who finally gave up on that last 8-track or cassette tape.
• A person who would give you the shirt off his back, via the bar ditch.
• A person who is considerate enough to put all his trash in a bag before tossing it onto the roadside.